dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
