Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
