it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Are we still banned from the library?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize