That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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