Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
