just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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