She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize