I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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