i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
