I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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