I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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