My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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