Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You need a sexual gate keeper
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
