so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
