im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
