she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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