Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just high enough for therapy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
