Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
