What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize