Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
