My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
