So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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