my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
third nipple confirmed
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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