Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
