"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
