are you so shy because you have an std?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
soo... how was my night?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
