Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize