I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
