My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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