They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
