apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
