I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
