He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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