Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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