How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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