OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
