Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
