I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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