i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
