i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize