PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize