My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
