you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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