dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
