You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
