All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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