Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
