i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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