My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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