the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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