I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize