I looked at my own cervix.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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