Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
