I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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