Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
