My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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