I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
