I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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