Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
