i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
