He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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