That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't turn off my feet"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
