I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
