Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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