do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
