Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
