marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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