i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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