We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
