oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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