how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize