i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
