Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's the barista slut.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
