PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize