Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
