u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
