watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize