Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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