So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
