She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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