He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
