Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
