Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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