Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize