Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
