my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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