I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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