So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
