I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
