I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
