and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize