U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
