I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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