My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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