This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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