Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
