so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
