I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize